Since setting the goal of either going to school or moving to New York, I've done both. I moved to New York and then promptly was accepted to school. After an agonizing two weeks of going back and forth between which road to take, I decided to go to school.

The thing is, I don't know if I want to.

It's the strangest feelings leaving a job you've been at for 6 years for the unknown.

I keep telling myself this is for the better, but I don't know if it is.

And I don't know if it's just fear, or if this school thing won't be valuable to me.

I know I need to go in with a plan of what I want to get out of it, otherwise it may all be for naught. So, as I sit here realizing that, lets think about what I want:

- I want to work in consumer products or fashion. Something relatable to daily life and relevant.
- I want to be involved with processes and efficiency.
- I have no interest for the technical.
- I want to have direct reports and be involved in managing my own department, including hiring decisions and strategy.

Interview Prep

Sooooooo I've submitted all my apps! And by all I mean two. I realized I only chose NYU and Columbia for their NYC location. But really, if NYC is what I want, I'm much better off going with a job transfer so I'll have time + money to explore the city!

So that leaves me with Kellogg and Harvard (ha). Maybe I should say leaves me with only Kellogg!

The MMM program sounds infinitely interesting. All these new things to try, people to meet. I don't look forward to the price tag though, which I haven't even bothered looking up, actually.

Whats the price of having an "interesting job"? Do people with "interesting jobs" actually end up liking their job? Or is it true that once anything becomes a job, it loses its magic? Like how I think my true calling is to be a buyer (I already shop all day, might as well!) BUT I don't think I can survive on buyer salary. And do I really need to enjoy/love my job?? I don't know. I think that's the dilemma many of us millennial are facing. Or did our parents face this dilemma too? Do I accept my decently paying, relatively easy, and sometimes perks-filled jobs as it is - a job - and enjoy life outside of work, or do I drop it all to pursue work that I enjoy?

Of course, the decision may be easier if I actually knew what I enjoy.

Shopping, eating, baking, instagramming, traveling. I also like board games. and math. Or I used to anyway. I honestly haven't done math in so long, I'm not sure if my old brain has devolved and no longer can handle complex calculations.

But I digress.

Interview prepping!

I have an alumni interview on Thursday for Kellogg. I think the fact that I'm so uncertain about going back to school is going to make this challenging for me. It'll be hard to come across as excited. I'm already perpetually calm as it is. Why can't I be more excited? The only time people have commented on me being excited, there has been food, clothing, or travel related topics at hand. I can always talk extensively about movies. Not quite in a classy old movies way though - I have no knowledge of that - but I can talk about current movies. Things that are showing now. Things coming up. Sometimes it makes me feel classy.

So I think the conclusion of my essay prep is - fake it until you fake it. and don't give a shit. Stop worrying about what other people think. It is what it is. On the up side, if this doesn't work out, I ALWAYS HAVE NEW YORK. Right?


P.S. I put in my transfer request!!!

Hello 2015

Did  know us California folks are practically the last to cross over to the new year? I've never been one for new year resolutions or goals. I'm 27, have a "good" job, comfortable life, but I'm unhappy. In light of that, I figure it's time to try something new.

So, I hereby declare 2015 a year of change.

Tada.

First order of business, start a blog. I always thought it would be a food blog or beauty blog or travel blog. But I think a journey blog is appropriate.

Things I'll do this year:
1. Finally finish reading "Never Eat Alone". Seriously, it's been over 5 years since the book was recommended to me. I never got past the section where you write down the things you want so that you can take the next step to get them. Thing is, I didn't know what I want. I still done. But it's time to do something. Anything.

2. Move. I've been talking about New York for too many years to count. It's time to just do it. Of even SF. Or West LA. Anyway, no more of this suburbia thing that's driving me nuts!

Things that may help me get there:
1. New job. I don't HATE my job. But I don't love it. How people actually love their jobs though? Are you supposed to? Or is that an impossible millennial lie that everyone is unhappily chasing? A job is just a job right. What if I don't love my job but I love my life? And I love my life because my job supports my life? That's a valid option, isn't it?

2. School. I've always been good at school and even enjoyed it (I know, I know). So going back to school seems like a no brainer. That's the thing though. When I actually use my brain and think about it...I'm not sure I want to be back in school. I've always found class room learning to be dry and one dimentional. I have a hard time really applying the concepts to real life. I think I would prefer to learn through life than classrooms. Honestly, for the amount of money I'd spend on a master's degree, I can travel the world and gain much  more valuable life lessons, no?

Full disclosure, option number two is partially in progress. I have 90% completed applications, but due dates are within a week and I'm still not sure. I keep telling myself just apply and see, and I know that's what I need to do. So why aren't I doing it??

I should probably go do it now...

updates soon.

hopefully.